![]() ![]() If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and tripping and begging for mercy, then yes, Mr. If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of conquistadors came up to you and asked where the gold was, I don't think it would be a good idea to say, "I swallowed it. ![]() But some other stuff could happen and it could be like ambition. The flytrap can bite and bite, but it won't bother the frog because it only has little tiny plant teeth. The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.Īmbition is like a frog sitting on a Venus Flytrap. I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "What was THAT?!" We all shot him, we all skinned him, and we all got a complimentary bumper sticker that said, "I helped skin Bob." I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they chose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas. What do these words mean ? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind. Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind". Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". I don't think I'm alone when I say I'd like to see more and more planets fall under the ruthless domination of our solar system.ĭad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis. I wish I had a Kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND Superman away. He cried a little, but that's the way of these people. I chased him down and took the enema bag. This was too much! I reached out my hand, but then he ran away. Later the boy came up and offered to give me the toy. But this one little boy had gotten an old enema bag and filled it with rocks, and he would go around and whap the other children across the face with it. The people in the village were real poor, so none of the children had any toys. Too bad you can't buy a voodoo globe so that you could make the earth spin real fast and freak everybody out. He might call you on the radio and say he's not Dracula, but you just say, "Think again, bat man." ![]() The next time he goes out for the moon pieces, wham!, you just slam the door behind him and blast off. For instance, let's say you're an astronaught on the moon and you fear that your partner has been turned into Dracula. I bet when the neanderthal kids would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick, heavy brows." Then they would all get embarrassed because they remembered they had the big hunky brows too, and they'd get mad and eat the snowman.įear can sometimes be a useful emotion. The soldering iron of justice." Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they had made fun of the soldering iron of justice, and I could probably hit them up for a free drink. He's carrying a soldering iron!" and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, "That's right, it's a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like "Hey, look. If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way, you could get hit by meteorites and not even feel it. I'd like to be buried Indian-style, where they put you up on a high rack, above the ground. I'd ask for a pinball machine, because with all that rocking back and forth you'd probably be able to get a lot of free games. Why do people in ship mutinies always ask for "better treatment"? Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.Ī good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. ![]() But then I thought, if a patient said, "How's my back tooth?" and you just looked at it with your X-ray vision and said, "Oh it's okay," then the patient would probably say, "Aren't you going to take an X-ray, stupid?" and you'd say, "Aw f**k you, get outta here," and then he probably wouldn't even pay his bill. It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.Īt first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth X-rays. When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick your elbow out the window, or it'll turn into a fossil. If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something. ![]()
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